October 22, 2014
JE Discourse

On the journey to self awareness, one of the things that my [spiritual partner] and I were working on in the late 60’s, we had already seen some of our past lives and we felt like we made it; we had come to that place where we had made the goal that we wanted. We were naive, very naïve; but we knew our past lives, we have done this work—there is nothing more for us to do.

I remember that there was a song that was popular called “MacArthur's Park”. In that song, there was a part that [spiritual partner] and I were listening to this song, for some reason it spoke to both of us. There were only two paragraphs that meant anything to us. In this song, they talked about:

“MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark/all the sweet, green icing flowing down/someone left the cake out in the rain/I don't think I can take it because it took so long to bake it/and I will never have that recipe again.”


And the things that stood out to us was that someone left the cake out in the rain and it was ruined. It was going down the drain and we didn't know how to put that together again. We didn't know how to put our life together again. We had seen our past lives, we had seen so much about who we were, and we truly felt very much like we had completed something very important and there was no other place to go.

Of course we were naïve, but we were sincere. The one thing I can say is that we were very, very sincere about the fact that our life was our cake. Jane Elizabeth Fenton Hart's life consciousness was that cake and it was left out in the rain and it was disappearing. In other words I was disappearing and I knew it. I was disappearing and it was my very beingness.

I knew I had to disappear, I knew that I had no cake; it had been washed away. My consciousness had been washed away and I remember crying with [spiritual partner]. She was on the phone and we just cried because we knew we had taken that final step of understanding part of our soul; we didn't know what part of our soul. That was in the late 60's—I think it was ’69—but we truly felt from the bottom of our hearts that we had completed the reasons for our life this time.

Yes it was naive, but we truly believed it with all of our hearts; and it was soon before October 31st, Halloween. I remember talking to [spiritual partner] about “We have to give ourselves up. We have to surrender everything.” And we thought the Teacher was telling us that we were both going to die and that our lives were over. And that was the message we had gotten from this cake: Our cake has gone down the drain.

Well, we just decided we would surrender our life, that we were done and whatever happened. I had four children, I was married, at this point my husband had not asked for a divorce, we were still very married and [spiritual partner] had her family. She was still living in Toledo, Ohio, as I was. So the point was we prayed to get here, “I believe it is going to be October 31st that we are leaving, we are going to die.”

So, what I did, I cleaned my house. I put my children's clothes out for the next day, because I felt they would find their mother dead in her bed and I wanted them to have clean clothes for them to wear, and I packed their lunches as I always did. I set the table with all their favorite cereals on the table. Everything was there that I usually did in the morning while they were getting dressed. I did it the night before and I had everything there on the table.

I truly, with all my heart and soul, I felt that I was leaving. I had said in my heart, I had to surrender my children, and I had to let go of everything.

Of course I had the Seven Steps at the time, and of course that was a help to me. I went through the process of letting go of everything I believed, everything that I was. And then of course we woke up the next morning, bewildered to find out we were still in body. Shocked! I was absolutely shocked. I believed it so that I, truly with all my heart, thought that I was leaving the planet. And we woke up and of course called each other in the morning the minute the kids got off to school and wondered “What was this all about? We are still in the body! Did we get the wrong message?”

We could not understand what was going on. We had such a strong message that we were dying, and we didn't die. What on earth was going on? We didn't understand, we tried to appease ourselves and ask God, “Help us, why are we still here, we thought we were leaving!”

The message was, “You did leave. You will never be Jane again and [spiritual partner] will never be [spiritual partner] again. It is over, it is done, it is completed.” And that it was.

I can say to you from this vantage point right now, that was me giving up Jane, as Jane knew Jane to be, surrendering everything. I had already given up all my clothes, already given up my shoes, my church, all the things I had given up and let go of. And that was all part of this sacrifice, big sacrifice that we gave. We cried before we gave it up, of course. We knew we would never see our family again, and we had to be that clear about where our heart was. And I realized soon after that, I can absolutely say, the truth is the truth on this one, I had to give myself up as I knew myself to be, in order to become the I that I am today that is talking to you.

That day, October 31, I think it was 1969, I don't know for sure, but it was that time and that was the total giving up, the total surrendering and the total moving out of the third dimension. I can tell you now what that was about, that was me surrendering and me moving out of the third dimension, FOREVER! FOREVER! Nothing would be the same; nothing would taste the same; nothing would smell the same, and no one would mean the same to me. Everything was gone and slowly but surely we started opening the door to the fourth dimension.

Everybody here met me way after I had passed all of those tests way back there; but I was tested like you all are tested. I had to take every single step that was given me. I learned very, very quickly to not wait for tomorrow to do something that I needed to do today. This is what I was asked to do by my out of body Teacher. It was on the table before the out of body Teacher got through with the sentence. “You want my body? You want my mind, my heart? I am giving it.” And of course once I gave it I had to see what I was giving up. I had to understand every inch of giving it up, every inch of what it truly meant, a being in the third dimension.

So, you have the opportunity here to be with somebody that says you are working on this, don't falter yourself. Don't just take it easy. Oh my God, to give up that Jane consciousness was very difficult and yet, oh my God, as I moved out of it, week and months later, I was grateful. You have heard me say, “Oh my God, I had to spend so much time making Jane ok, making Jane feel she was ok”, and all that crap that we do to make ourselves feel smart or people will love us, or making the right decisions, or move through our jealousy, or move through our perfections, or all those things that hang us up and keep us stuck! Keep us stuck!

Your work is to unstick yourself! Nobody came with a magic wand and tapped me on the head and say, “Sweet little girl, I am so glad that you want to give that up. Good, that is magic!” NO! You will have to take each step; you will have to dismantle every consciousness that you are shown. YOU WILL DISMANTLE IT!

There is no magic that is going to dismantle these things. And this is where it gets very tough because things get dismantled in your consciousness and you let go of them, your ego starts grabbing at everything that it can hang onto. EVERYTHING! And it hangs on for dear life! And the more you are giving up, the more you are letting go, the more the ego wants to take charge and tell you, you are nuts or crazy or out of your mind, or someone’s problem, it is his fault or her fault, someone else’s fault.

You see it is never anyone else’s fault. If there is any problem that is bubbling up, it is you. It is you that has to come up to the plate. It is you that has to take charge. And you know I have told you a hundred times if I have told you once, you are in charge of your spiritual growth!

I can help you, I can support you, I can help you around those bad places that are going to get you in trouble; but lots of times, you don't like me when I do that. I don't care. My goal is to help you to move into your soul self, not to stay stuck into your baby personality that is hanging on to the string for dear life. And the Masters are trying to cut that string to free you, and you get so scared you can’t do it.

Well give that up! You are silly; you are stupid; you are not working in your best interest! Give it up; give it up because unless you give it up you are not going to grow; you are not going to change, and nobody is going to help you but you.

You have to help yourself, every inch of the way. None of you like me when I get in this space. None of you are happy because the things you are hanging onto for dear life are the things you have to let go of. They are so important. And I can remember way back, in 1969, when I didn't know what the heck I was doing—but thank God someone was loving me and supporting me and pushing me beyond myself because I didn't know what I was doing.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You know what you are doing; you don't have to go blindfolded in it. You have a Teacher; you have an out of body Teacher. You have the help you need, and if I am tough on you and push you beyond your comfort zone, bless yourselves that you can walk out of the comfort zone.

It is not any fun to look at your children and look at them in new light and see they’re manipulating the things that they are doing to get you to do what they want you to do. That is very hard to look at, it is very difficult but you know that as long as you keep doing it for that child you are enabling them to move forward. That is what I feel about you all. If I enable you all to keep it so that you like me or that you are feeling comfortable about coming, about moving your consciousness, it is just like [student] and [student].

They came here, I know they love to be here, but oh my God, they have been pushed from the minute they walked into my presence. I have pushed the heck out of both of them, pushing and pushing them to take steps and to take steps.

Now they are on the fast track, now I am in front of them weekly. They get to see me; they get energy, and they get pushed. SO, thank goodness! And I am happy to do it; I know that there are more wonderful things at the end of the rainbow, rather than this crappy little self of yours that wants to hang onto little stupid stuff.
So when you stand beyond it you will see how it crippled you. It crippled you, you couldn't move and when I see things that are crippling you I will fight like mad to get it moved. I will fight, fight, fight; and I don't care what you think of me. I will push you any kind of way I can figure out to get you to look at yourself, to move beyond your limitations on yourself because I know there are not limitations, there are no limitations in God, in Infinite Consciousness.

Where is it that you want to go? You want to go into Infinite Consciousness; call it God; call it peanut butter. I don't care what you call it; it is a Supreme Consciousness, and it the best there is! And it understands this universe far better than you do, far better than I did. As a little 34 year old, by the time 1969 came around, there I was, thinking I did everything, that was the beginning...Oct 31, 1969! That was my beginning. That was the end of a part of me, and then a new part of me came forward. And that new part began to understand the fourth dimension, started to look through the eyes of the fourth dimensional being; but I had to get rid of the third dimensional being to do it. And so the more you learn to forgive, the more you learn to stand on the mountain, and see beyond yourself, you see out there in the distance, you see what you need to do.

Understand you are observing yourself. Who is doing the observing? Who is observing you? That is the question that is important to answer: Who is observing? I have been working with you on that for years.

Who is that Observer Self that some of you use constantly? And I know that those that use it constantly and others of you use it on occasions...occasions. If you are using it on occasions, you are moving in consciousness, on occasion. You can only move as fast as you will let that part of you be the observer of yourself.
Bifurcate yourself. Be the third person, because until you do, you are not going to be able to free yourself. You are going to be so enmeshed with the personality self that you are never going to find the real essence of yourself because it is not the personality. It has nothing to do with the personality. You think it does; you crave it; you want to maintain it. You’re “Poor me, look at poor me, I am so sad, the way they are dancing around me.” But that world is never going to dance around you! You live in the third dimensional world, you live in the opposites.

You have heard that over and over from me. What does that mean to you? What does that really mean to you? What is that? I am not just talking to talk, that must mean something to you. It has to resonate with you some way. Either you are pushing your consciousness or you are not honoring it. Are you using that part of yourself 24/7? And some of you are, some of you are using that 24/7; and I know that some of you once you have learned that you will never let that go. And I honor you for that and you are the ones that are moving the quickest and fastest, absolutely.

I want the rest that have been keeping that up on the shelf as an extra when they need it to use it! It needs to be forefront in your consciousness. And all new students when they come into any new class have to learn to be taught to use the observer self.

That is the most extremely important thing that they will not know how to do anything until they learn to use that constantly. Observer, observer, observer! Be observing this person that you are watching that is yourself! The person you are watching is yourself. Who is the person watching the personality? That is what you need to figure out. No one is going to show it to you, you have to figure it out; you have to let it happen to you.

It is not going to be shown to you. No one is going to give it to you, sorry. It is your job to find it; it is your job to find it. You know that. It is your job to find it. And if you don't have it, you go and get busy; otherwise why stay in this class? Why bother yourself? Go back to the third dimension. Enjoy the little pleasures of the third dimension and the woes of the third dimension. The fourth dimension will take all of them away from you. The good and the bad. The good is only as good as the bad isn’t.

So, when you understand all of that you keep moving; you keep moving out of the third dimensional consciousness into what they call the Christ Consciousness, what I call the fourth dimensional consciousness. And that is the one that helps observe and helps forgive, and the one that releases, and the one that is 150% dedicated and nothing stops it. It listens to its out-of-body Teacher and does just what it says and its in-body Teacher, it does exactly what she says.

I found out I was blind. I couldn't see around the corner, I had to depend on my out-of-body Teacher to look for me, to see pitfalls that I might fall into. I had to depend on that, and I had to learn to depend on that energy, and know that energy when it came through.

I am sitting here talking to you. My God, would I have loved to have someone sitting here talking to me and telling me these things! I had to depend on this energy coming in, that I could feel come in and then understand it. I don’t have any sympathy for you guys that are not using those things that are given to you to help you. I have absolutely no sympathy because you have the ability; you have the ability in yourself to do these things. And you need to take that responsibility, and every step of the way you will be moving into a new state of beingness and a new state of being.

I have so many of my old states of being laying in the gutter somewhere along the road; and I have had to do it over and over and over again, not just once, but every year. Practically every year, sometimes twice a year I had to dismantle the consciousness I was in and had to move on, and then dismantle that and move on!

Thank you, thank you Teachers who didn't let me falter, Thank you me, Jane. I love that girl named Jane. She was a wonderful, wonderful girl, and she was dedicated, and I love her. And I am so glad she is part of me and I can depend on her no matter what I do. She is here and she will prevail, no matter what and she is my best friend. She has always been my best friend because she had the dedication, the desire to know. Thank you my beloved Jane, my beloved Jane. I love her, she hit me and she kept going. She fell down and she kept going and then she finally disappeared so that I could come in, the I AM that was behind the Jane that was, the I AM presence is here! The energy is here, the vibration is here, and it is here. I worked a long time to get here and I am very, very, happy to be where I am. But it doesn’t have anything to do with the third dimensional world. It has nothing to do with the fourth dimensional world. It doesn't have anything to do with the fifth dimensional world; and it has nothing to do with the sixth dimensional world. It has everything to do with the seventh state of being.

I had to give up all the other states of being to be in this state and you have no idea where I live and how I think. You can’t even imagine because you have to experience it to know it. You have to be it. It has to be that very essence of your being. I wish, I hope I can, if I would have known on that day in October 31, 1969, where I was headed, oh my God, I would have… Oh, oh, but I did it anyway, I did it anyway, even though I was blind most of the time and had a blindfold over my face most of the time.

YOU don't have that blindfold, guys! You don't have that. How I would have loved to go to India and a guru to help me go through my past lives and help me understand all the things that I have worked through.

I would have loved to have someone who loved me enough to hit me over the head, in body. If I was mad at them, that in-body Teacher could care less. Just like I don't care at all about how you feel about me. I don't care if you love me to pieces or hate me to pieces. None of that means anything to me. The only thing that is important to me is, can it help you to change? Will it support you in changing what I am looking at? How am I going to support you? Is there anything I can do to support you to help you take your steps? Either that or I quit.

There is no use in me wasting my time because I can't use up your spiritual credits if you keep accruing them because then you don't have a chance. You are going to have to work very, very hard to accrue some more so I have left you with your spiritual credits. I have not used them.

A lot of them I am using them like mad and you are gaining them like mad. There are none that can be used that don't come back to you. It is constant. Others, here are the credits, it is all I have. If I use these 40 up, you are not going to have more and I won't do that to you. I will only use a portion so that in another life you will have some credits here to keep on moving forward.

This will be the thing I will be doing for people that are coming into the groups or into the work. I will be looking at them carefully, how many credits do I dare use of theirs and still know there are only so much that they can learn this lifetime and that is all I want to feed them because I can't take them further than they are capable of learning and growing and that is the way I feel about you guys. If there is somebody that can't....I can't do that to you, I love you too much but I will sure fight for you to get more credits that is absolutely the truth!

So, this journey that we are on, this journey that you are on, is not a popular journey and you know why. You know how hard it is. It is very hard. And you have a choice, every moment of your day you have a choice. You have a choice. How are you going to use your choices? How are you going to use your free will; what kind of responsibility are you going to take now? Are you going to leave the observer over in the corner? How often do you use your Blue Sword? Has that gone away, in the closet? It probably has got mildew on it. It is there to help you grow and to change, to get you out of the poor little me, that was given to you several years ago, that Blue Sword should be your daily thing. You should never, ever not be with it; you should never ever be without the observer self. You should never, ever be without the Spiritual Thermometer. “Where am I today?”

Those things are yours. They are very important for you to use them, no matter the next fifty years; they are the most important things in your spiritual arsenal. So they are there, if they are getting mildewed and rusty, you better take them out and shine them up. You can’t move without them. It is an energy force that you use to support your growth. So your Blue Sword—boy, I am hoping you use it all the time. And I don't bring it up very often because either you are using it or you are not. If you are using and if you aren’t using it you probably don't want me to tell you to use it because you think you don't need it or you don't want to be bothered. “I am not using the Observer Self”, because the observer self won't let you run around the merry-go- round, in a limited merry-go-round. It won’t let you stop you from it. You have to stop yourself. You have to have the Observer Self say, “What am I doing in this consciousness, running around in this crap? Where is it getting me? No place. I have an opportunity to listen to something bigger that can be of support to me but I would rather run around in the little rat cage and run and run and run. One direction and then the other direction.”

Boy when I started to see myself as the little rat in the cage, going from one side to the other as fast as my little legs could carry me, I decided I had to stop it and stop it I did. I didn’t want that kind of consciousness and so you know when you get stuck in those places, you know how you run around in circles?

Maybe somebody in the group will love you enough to say, “You are in the merry go round, STOP!” And I bet those people won't call me because I will stop them before they get the second sentence out of their mouth because I love them and I don’t want them to get stuck for an hour in a rat cage. And that is what it is, running around in the rat cage, run, run, run!! Run, run faster, faster and then it gains momentum and it is really hard to stop.

What if, what if, what if you stopped yourself? HMMMM? That is a good one, what if you stopped yourself, what would happen? Maybe you would have to face yourself, and maybe that is why you love staying in the round-about. Maybe that is why you like staying in the round-about because you don't want to look at yourself. And I am sure there are some people who don't like me right now because they know who I am talking to and they are the only ones that are going to move themselves.

No one else is going to do it, NO ONE, NO ONE, NO ONE! So it is up to you guys. You can decide or not decide. I love you whether you move or not, the only thing is you don't love yourself and you probably don’t love me; I don't care. That is the wonderful part of this, I don't care. I would rather see you move than like me. So, that is the good part of this. That is wonderful. You know, that is part of being on another dimension.

You know if you had a little dog and you were going to house break your dog, and you watch your little dog, and you watch your dog and try to teach it to be housebroken. All of us have had a dog sometime in our life, that we have had to house break. I had two of them and it is a job. You have to help them you have to watch, them, you have to help them, you have to teach them; and sometimes they learn and sometimes it takes forever to teach them because they don't want to learn.

You have to keep doing it and keep doing it; and you don’t give up on that pet because you know they are capable of learning how to go outside and take care of their business and you don't want them doing it in their house. So, you keep at it, you keep pushing on it until they get it done and then it is done and you know it is done. Your work has been done for them and you don't have to worry about them anymore because you know that they got it. This is what I want for you.
I want to know you got it. I don't have to do a thing and now I tell you after you have a dog for a certain length of time, and it never learns, then you just leave it outdoors. You don't let it come into the house because it doesn’t want to learn to not pee in the house so you just leave it outdoors.

It made a choice to stay outside rather than to be able to be in with you, to lie at your feet and be petted and to have it be nice. So you just shut the door and say, “I am sorry you are not coming in. You aren’t housebroken and you don’t want to be, and there is nothing that I can do about it.” Is that right, isn't that right guys? Isn’t that the truth?

So you have this responsibility to yourself now, to housebreak yourself by getting a hold of those limited consciousnesses of yours, and using that Blue Sword and kicking that. Because I have said, you probably think I am a broken record here, but every time you gain a new consciousness you have to take that consciousness down to move into something different because you have to have control over the whole self.

So there is a lot of disconnecting and a lot of dismantling. There are lots of things that I have given about dismantling that we will be pulling up for some of our classes that we will be working on. How do you dismantle a consciousness? What is a consciousness? You can imagine what we have to teach people; but first you have to get your act together before you really can be able to help anybody else.

Really, I was able ... when I was able to see past lives for other people, you know I didn’t ever speak of it for 30 years; 30 years and then I started doing something. But I had lots of training before I got to that point. I knew a lot before I even opened my mouth.

So, go forth with the spirit of excitement. You only have one thing to do, to discover the essence of yourself, within yourself. How exciting, how wonderful, how rewarding. It is a reward; it is a peace that I can’t even explain to you. It is a peace that is a knowing that you are doing the right thing at all times.

And there is never something that you are not doing; and you don’t have an ego that needs to be boosted up because it doesn't have any type of ego because it doesn’t exist. The ego exists in the third dimension; it doesn't exist.

So if I were you, all I would say, “I want God experiences”. But if you aren't getting any God experience, you are still your limited self that needs to be cleaned out, because the God experiences don't come very often until you have some place for you to have them to come in and through. If you all are so busy doing this dance in your head, then there is nothing that can get through to you. So that is why you spot it, so you have something, a place for it to come, a wonderful place to come in. If something is all filled, you can't put any water in, you can’t put anything in. It is overflowing. It doesn’t work. But if you dump some of the water out, some of the negative thoughts out, then the new thoughts have a new place to land. They have a place to be otherwise they have no place to be; they just hang in the ethers. They aren’t going to bother getting into a place that they aren’t welcome.

So we are dismantling; we are taking responsibility; we are using our Blue Sword. We are being committed; we are going for the larger possibilities in our life, in our beingnesss, and God is a consciousness. If you want to call it God consciousness, if you want to call it the Supreme Consciousness, fine but it is a consciousness. Now what that means to you, it is up to you to find out what that means to you! You know when you are in a consciousness. You know when you are in your limited consciousness. Oh man, did I ever! You know, too, when you are in your limited consciousness. You know what consciousness you are in, you know when you are in a higher consciousness, and you know when you go back to a limited consciousness and you dance back and forth.

Let just meditate, let’s take this time to be still.